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| Animal Jokes |
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Animal Jokes
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A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!
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How do you tell the difference between a cow and a bull?
Milk them both. The one that smiles is the bull.
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Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams past them. One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast that thing was moving?"The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!"
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A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"
The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall."
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Psychiatrist: "What's your problem?"
Patient: "I think I'm a chicken."
Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"
Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
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A leopard went to see an optometrist because he thought he needed an eye exam. "Every time I look at my wife," he worriedly told the optometrist, "I see spots before my eyes."
"So what's to worry about?" replied the doctor. "You're a leopard, aren't you?"
"What's that got to do with anything?" replied the patient. "My wife is a zebra."
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A lonely frog, desparate for some form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled and says, "This is great! Where will I meet her, at work, at a party?"
"No" says the psychic, "in a Biology class."
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Two snakes meet each other..
First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.
Second snake:Why?
First snake:Because I bit my lip!
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An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.
"Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"
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A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though. Even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.
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