ik larka or larki bagh mein baither chips kha rahe the
or ek doosre ki ankhon me dekh rahe the
larki: kuch feel hua
Larka han
Larki: kia
Larka: tum mujh se ziada chips kha rahi ho

 

PATENT:- DOCTOR SAABH MUJHE BAHUT PATLE DAST AA RAHE HAI
DOCTOR:- KITNE PATLE
PATENT:- DOCTOR SAABH BAHUT PATLE
DOCTOR:- KITNE PATLE
PATENT:- SAABH ITNE PATLE KI SMS PADNE VALLA KULLi KAR LE

 

A 60 year old bachelor advertizes his zaroorat-e-rishta in newspaper. After a month, he gets a letter saying, "Miyan! Is umar mein farishtey aatey hain, rishtey nahin."

 

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.?
Father: Very long!!!!!

 

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mothe

 

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

 

Police constable to his son:
Tumhara result acha nahee aaya,
aaj se tumhara khelna aur tv band
Son: Yeh 50 rupay pakro aur mamla yehin khatam karo

 

1 day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'

 

A small kid wrote to Santa Clause, "send me a brother". santa wrote back, "send me ur mother".

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

 

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.

 

Teacher: If there is water coming in from a hole at the bottom of boat and water is sinking the boat, what would you do to save the boat?
Jonny: I will make another hole so water can go out!
 

 

2 Lovers plan to suicide. Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.

 

Ultimate answer while changing the job. Interviewer: why did you leave your last job? Applicant: Coz the company shifted the office and didnt tell me where.....

 

Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note mama'

 

Son asks father difference between confidence and confidential? father says you are my son, I am confident, your friend is also my son that's confidential.

 

Dad to Son : When I beat u how do u control your anger.
son: I start cleaning toilet.
Dad: how does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean with ur tooth brush.
 

Two guys decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any. One guy looks at the other and says 'I just don't understand it - why aren't we getting any ducks?' His friend says 'I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough.' 
 

 

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.

That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.

As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
 

 

Darling," said the swooning man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my small income?" 
         "Of course, dearest, no trouble," she said. "But what will you live on?" 
 

 

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire."
Friend: "And what was he before you married him?"
Woman: "A billionaire." 
 

 

"I was married 3 times," explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first two wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my third wife died of a fractured skull."

"That's a shame," said his friend. "How did it happen?"

"She wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

 

A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, it's my Mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric."

The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?"

 

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

 

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"

"I would love to," replied the husband, "But I don't know her well enough."
 

 

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

 

A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn.

Pete walks into a store. He says to the salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."

She says, "What color?"

He says, "Give me white. I'll color it myself."

 

Little Johnny goes to his father and asks, "Dad, is god a man or a woman?"

His Dad replies, "Johnny, both. God is both."

Johnny asks, "Dad, is god black or white?'

His Dad says, "Both. God is both."

Ok, then Johnny asks, "Dad, is Michael Jackson God?"

 

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, 'AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!'
The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.
As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, 'Are you ok, dear?' The lady replies, 'I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me.'
The man says, 'You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey.' 
 

 

MuM: Have you brought the matches home? Son: Yes! Mum: Are they working??? Son: Yes! I have try up all the fire macthes... It's working.

 

If there are any idiots in the classroom, will they please stand up,' said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
'Now then, why do you consider yourself an idiot?' inquired the teacher with a sneer.
'Well, actually I don't,' said the student, 'but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.'
 

 

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

 

Son:papa aik glasss paanee day do
Papa:khud lay lo
Son:plz day do naa papa
Papa:Ab mangaa tou thappar maron gaa
Son:Thappar marnay aao tou paani laytay aanaa

 

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home."

I went over.There was really Nobody at home
 

 

Santa: What's the name of ur car?
Banta: I don’t know but it starts with "T"
Santa: Kamal hai yaar teri gaddi tea nal start hundi hai, apni te Petrol nal start hundi hai.
 

 

Wat is confidence?
10 boys decided to propose a grl
9 boyz came wth Roses,
1 boy came with
"MOLVI"

This is confidence...!

1 charsi riksha mein baith kr bola:
"pindi chalo"
rikshe wala: tum pindi main hi khary ho..
Charsi: ye lo 50 rupey aur ainda itna taiz riksha mat chalana

 

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.
Saheb: Kal aana.

Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye phasay huye hain..

 

Patient: Mujhe bimari hy,
na khaon to bhook lgti hy,na souon to nind ati hy or ziada kam kr ke thak jata hon,

Doc: Sari rat dhop mai betho, Thik ho jao ge!

 

Once a Molvi Went 2 ZARDARI & Said Makhlooq ko mat Tang Kia Kero Werna ALLAH ka Azaab Ayega.
Zardari Said,
Bholay Badshao, Main Hi wo Azaab Hoo jo aa chuka hai.

 

Teacher to student: shadi ke waqt dulhe ko ghore par kyun bithaya jata hai?
Student: us ko last warning di jati hai ke abhi b waqt hai bhat ja…….

 

1 jahaz mein bohat sare pagal nach rahe they
in mein se 1 pagal khamosh betha tha
Dr ne pucha: tum q khamosh bethe ho?
Pagal ne kaha
Bewakuf main dulhan hun

 

2 Frndz in Jungle came acros a Bear
1 Climbd on tree & other Lie down on ground held his Breath.
Bear said 2him

Putar ay drama ni chalna,Main kahani parhi ay.

 

Aadmi Taxi Driver se: Bhai speed slow karo, mere 12 chotay chotay bachay hain......

Taxi driver:
Anni deya
Apni speed vekhi ay !!

 

2 bache jungle me potty kr rahe thay.
Achanak lion aa gya
1st: chotu,tu dar raha hai?
2nd: nahi,main nahi darta.
1st: to saley apni dho,meri kyun dho raha hai!!

 

What’s attitude?
3 ants saw an elephant coming…
ant1: we will kill him.
Ant 2: we will break his legs.
Ant 3: leave him dude, he is alone and we are 3.